How Gratitude Tames the Table of Biases

Discover how cognitive biases like loss aversion, negativity bias, and recency bias can shape your financial and emotional well-being—and how a little gratitude can help us break free and create great

Every holiday season, families around the nation gather for Thanksgiving dinner. It’s a time to catch up with seldom-seen family members. It’s also, for me, a time of stress. I start worrying about the family dinner a month or two before it happens.

We already don’t see eye-to-eye on a variety of topics, and being in an enclosed environment with a high potential for disagreement only raises my anxiety.

And yet, there are good reasons to make the effort. Community is important. Seeing the humanity in those who have wildly different viewpoints helps us to engender peace. And, the food is pretty good. 

There’s even a chance that differences will be laid aside, and family bonds will be strengthened. 

So, how do you prepare? Some experts suggest role-playing before the big meal. 

In light of that, I’ve invited several imaginary family members over for our role-playing meal. Some of the notable guests that will be there are my conservative and protective Aunt Prudence, her grumpy husband Uncle Ned, my ever-dramatic Cousin Cassie, and her dog, Toto. 

I’ve also invited my neighbor, Professor Alex Insight, who I hope will bring some balance and peace. 

Oh, and I can’t forget my niece Gracie, who we’ve adored since she first stayed in our home while her mother was having eye surgery at a nearby hospital. She’s now a university student and has matured so much since she accidentally spilled Grape Nuts cereal on the dining room carpet. 

Let’s take a seat at our imaginary Thanksgiving table.

After everyone has arrived, the dining room table, the kitchen counter, and a card table in the living room all overflowing with turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and a wide variety of pies, we sat down to eat. The buzz around the food was enough to keep everyone occupied. 

Sitting down to eat, we had a moment of silence as everyone looked at each other around the table. I admit I avoided looking directly into Aunt Prudence’s eyes. I know how she voted, and I couldn’t stomach knowing how she felt about Cousin Cassie’s emergency operation. 

Without the operation, Cassie likely wouldn’t be sitting at dinner with us. The operation was controversial, particularly in the current poltical environment. Please, dont’ say anything, I silently plead with Aunt Prudence. Only, if mind control were real, and not just part of this imaginary meal.

Sure Cassie can be a bit over-the-top, and she does have a tendency to let things slip, like when she enthusiastically told us about her “condition” in the church foyer as the bishop stepped out of the chapel to greet us. I think she was more embarrassed than anyone. But she’s been officiating at our church since Cassie was a tot, and she just smiled it away.

As the dishes were passed around the table, I heard Uncle Norm complaining about the celery in the stuffing. “Rabbit food. I’ve never liked it. It can ruin the whole meal! Leaves such a bad aftertaste.” 

To which Gracie responded as he passed her the stuffing, “Oh, my favorite! Made just the way I like it.” To which I stifled a chortle. Such a contrast between the two.

“Remember to save room for dessert!” Aunt Prudence admonished. “You don’t want to waste all this delicious food.”

Then I saw Toto yelp and run out from under the table. I suspect Aunt Prudence kicked at her when she went for a scrap that had fallen to the floor.

With a full plate, I glanced around the table again and marveled that we were all able to enjoy the meal together, even with all our differences.

It always amazes me that we spend hours upon hours preparing everything for the big meal, and it’s gone in a matter of minutes. 

After everyone had begun drifting away from the table, I took a slice of pumpkin pie with a big dollop of whipped cream and stepped out onto the deck with our neighbor, Professor Insight. He held a glass of wine. 

“Thanks again for inviting me,” he said. “You inadvertently helped me prepare for my lecture.”

I was puzzled. Hm…

“I’m giving a lecture on cognitive biases, and your family was a perfect case study.”

“Oh? How’s that?”

“Well, your Aunt Prudence is a perfect example of Loss Aversion. She was worried about everyone else missing out on dessert before we even started on our first course.”

“Then your Uncle Ned seems to be someone who always looks at the negative side of things. That’s called Negativity Bias. We all have these biases. Some more than others. Take your Cousin Cassie, she’s not always negative. Sometimes, she’s bouncing off the ceiling with excitement. For her, it’s whatever just happened, or Recency Bias.”

“You sure have got a good grasp of them.”

“Well, only at the surface level. We’re all complex beings.”

“Even Aunt Prudence?”

“Certainly! We all have cognitive biases, and there are a lot more than what I’ve mentioned here. Our brains want things to be simple, and sometimes these cognitive biases help us. The problem is when we get trapped in the biases and fail to see the complexity of things.”

The professor chuckled, “Take Gracie, she has a lovely habit of looking for the bright side of things. Her heart is full of gratitude, and that certainly makes Thanksgiving dinners more enjoyable.”

“Yes, I’m grateful to have her here. I think I get caught up in negativity bias a little more than I’d like.”

“Me, too!”

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Leaving our imaginary Thanksgiving dinner, I want to share that I had an epiphany while imagining this. While I have long valued fiction for its ability to help us see things that we often miss in real life, I didn’t know that I would benefit as much as I have from creating this little scenario. 

While writing the story, i recognized how I have fallen prey to my own Loss Aversion bias. While I would love to think I have everything figured out, and I just need to do the work, I often fail to notice the faulty wiring I need to clean up in my own mind. 

For example, I have been avoiding building and marketing my business as much as I would like. Yes, there have been lots of disruptions as of late that have made that more challenging – such as Hurricane Helene and the unfavorable presidential election results – I’ve discovered there’s more to it than what’s at the surface. 

Rather than operating out of a perspective of what good things I might enjoy from marketing and building my business, I’ve been resisting from a place of fear of what might happen. 

Today, as I close out, I vow to take steps towards the future I desire, which includes building and marketing my business. One step at a time!

Let’s not leave all the leftovers on the table. How have Loss Aversion, Negativity, and Recency biases kept you from enjoying all the prosperity that’s on the table? What small steps can you take today to create a better tomorrow?

 As always, remember your extraordinary value!

Stef